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Easing your young child out of your care and into school can be stressful and emotional for parents and children alike and end in crying and clingy behaviour. As parents we would all really like to see our children walk into their new environment with some confidence and eagerness to make friends and learn new things. Here are five tried and tested tips to help.
1. Be prepared;
It is really important to get to know what is expected of you and your child before they start school, so that you don’t tell your child one thing and the school says another. You will be invited to a school visit whether as a group at the start of the term or individually if starting in the middle of the term. It is usually possible for your child to have previously made a few friends before they start, which can help children settle in quicker.
2. Be in a good routine;
To make sure that your child’s body clock is ready for the school run, it’s always a good idea to start adjusting to the same time frame as school some days before they start school. Having tired and grumpy children obviously will not help and children who are rushing out of the house in the morning and dropped off in a hurry often get anxious and irritable because they don’t have enough time to adjust.
3. Stay Positive;
It is important to stay positive as we saw in the above example. Even if you feel miserable (or over joyed) about your children starting school, try not to let it show. Children need to feel that you are happy about them going off to school or being away from you so that they don’t worry about you or feel that they are missing out on some other fun.
4. Tell them what you want them to do;
Letting children know how you want them to behaviour at school in a positive way is really helpful, such as “Sharing the toys and listening to the teacher,” rather than what you don’t want such as, “Don’t go fighting and don’t be naughty”, Explaining as much as you think they will understand helps them to be well prepared.
5. The goodbye routine;
Having a set goodbye routine is so useful because you know what you are doing and can stay calm and assertive and your child will soon get to know what is expected of them and settle much quicker. Here are some tips;
Arrive on time, or a few minutes early if allowed. This will give you time to help your child to hang up their coat and put their belongings away in a calm manor. Or if they have to line up outside they can meet the other children in the playground which can be a good distraction.
Follow the settings routine, some schools will allow you to stay for a few minutes and encourage the children to start to play. Others will want all the children to go and sit together for the register, or line up outside and come in as a class.
Say good bye when leaving your child, so that they don’t loose trust in you if you sneak off. It will depend on the class routine as to how you leave for example at the door or playground so make sure you know what is expected before you go.
Stay Positive Your child will look to you for assurance that they will be OK so a few reassuring words such as, you will be OK, mummy will be back for you soon, your friends are waiting to play, or go and paint daddy a picture and I will come back for it, (although not all at the same time) will all help them to get in a positive mindset. Don’t be tempted to shame them into going in happily and say things like, oh don’t be a baby, look Sammy’s not crying, don’t be silly or anything else negative because this will make them feel negative and knock their confidence.
Set the boundaries as children don’t know them and you will put your child at ease if they know them, so be careful not to accidentally reward crying and clingy behaviour by staying, as this will prolong the agony and children quickly realise that if they make a fuss mummy or daddy will stay a little longer.
Dealing with crying can be stressful so if your child is starting to cry and clinging to you, ask the teacher to take them from you. This is when your positive approach will really help your child to calm down. A receptive teacher will hold their hand or won’t mind you handing them over and offer some encouragement. As you find that they start to settle in the morning you can encourage them to sit or play with a friend or line up with the others and be more independent.
Give them praise for their efforts. When you pick your child up again from school, it is really encouraging to give them some praise for their efforts from going into school,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], even if they cried a little. Find something that they did well, such as ‘you were very good putting your bag on your peg this morning’, and pay little attention to their crying. This way they will feel pleased with themselves and want to repeat good behaviour.
All the best!